Keaka's MeMails

The best nonsense on the web.

6th grade late slip

December 10th, 2005

[This note is from 6th grade at Punahou. I believe Mrs. Danford asked me to write her a note explaining why I was late for class, and I created this justification with the help of Scott Kikuta. We were obviously heavily influenced by Calvin and Hobbes.]

Sometime in 1992, Keaka Jackson wrote:

Martians kidnapped me. They held me at laser point
with an atom disintegrator death ray which looked like a banana.
They threatened to destroy the world with an object
that looked like an orange. I saw them purchase these
weapons at the snackbar. They forced me to have fun
They held me captive for  5  minutes, but they
let me go free when I told them I personally knew
Elvis. They agreed not to destroy the world, and
that is why I am late. Everybody should be thanking
me. The below martians have signed this excuse
slip authorizing their mistake. They are very sorry.

Late note signed by Martians

Comments

Oh. my. god. I love you!

That’s so priceless. I’ve pulled a few things like that in my school career… one involving a cell phone costume and a phone book.

– Joshua (Your biggest fan) on January 18, 2006 at 5:18 pm

Heh, ok I’ll bite, what the heck is the story with the cell phone costume? You can’t leave us hanging like that!

– Keaka on January 21, 2006 at 5:03 pm

Wow… I just caught that reply… Heh.

I decided to get out of class during a phone book drive… so I brought my cell phone costume to school, slipped it on in the bathroom, and went down by the cafeteria to wave in donors. Nobody questioned me.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I did have a cell phone constume laying around the house… I was a cell phone for about 6 years running for Halloween.

Joshua (Still your biggest fan) on April 17, 2006 at 6:35 am

How funny! Peggy Danford is my step-mother!!! I was just googling the family surname and look what I picked up! I hope you love her as a teacher as much as I do as a "Step-Monster", nah, she’s unreal and doing really well living in Oregon! I will be pasting this to an email to her!

– Shandy Danford-Spittle on December 31, 2006 at 6:45 pm

By remote chance… could you kindly send along my email address of tbtackle@aol.com come to Peggy Danford in Oregon please.. Many, many thanks.. Terry Baird… Class of ’66 Punahou

– Terry Baird on February 14, 2008 at 4:51 am

By a remote chance.. could you kindly send along my email address to Peggy Danford in Oregon…. Many, many thanks… Terry Baird… class of ’66 Punahou

– Terry Baird on February 14, 2008 at 4:53 am

That is so L.O.L.! And the funny thing is is that i am in 6th Grade, I also used to use late notes, and my name is Keaka! The only thing that I think is different is that I’m a girl (Keaka is short for my middle name Keakulina, thats why it’s my nickname.) This late note is so funny! I think that I should try it on my teacher! l.o.l.!
-Keaka LaBorne

– Keaka (In New York) LaBorne on February 14, 2008 at 4:53 am